I'm single. Disastrously single. So single that I actually joined eHarmony on a free, trial basis, (because if I wanted to pay for love, I want the terms of the contract to include the words 'full release'), and they told me that I was a leper and there was no chance in hell that I could ever find anyone of the human species even remotely compatible with me. Among their 10,000 new users every day, I was alone. Perhaps this was due to my prehensile tail, or vestigial fourth row of teeth... maybe it's because I requested to meet 'young virgins for love or sacrifice'. Either way, you end up doing a lot of sad, alone things when you're single. Porn becomes too appealing, you eat a lot more microwave meals, you shave less, and you see movies all by your lonesome. It was in this mode of singlitude that I saw Hellboy. Me, the screen, and the bottle of tea that I snuck in, because I'm a rebel.
Briefly, Hellboy rocked out, and if you missed it, you can see for yourself on July 27th, when it'll be out on DVD. The property of Hellboy saw a plethora of license holders, from the 6" figures of Mezco, the TOMY gashapon, and the Dark Horse PVCs and plush, just to name a few... for what is a movie without licensed collectibles to preserve its memory? Hell, you might as well be listening to the radio. One of the more high-end licensers was Sideshow, who produced scale replicas and articulated 12" figures.
The Hellboy 12" figure from Sideshow is a mass of cool, demonic fun. Articulated in every way that you could possibly need, with every joint hidden beneath layers of clothes, he has the high level realism that Sideshow maintains above all else. The clothing is stitched and fitted, has working buttons and is accurate down to the last detail. Each layer is made of different materials and is as perfect as anything done in full-scale. His belt has many pouches - most of them are sculpted shut, but he also has an opening gun pouch to hold his main accessory, the working scale model of the Samaritan gun which he carries. With a sculpted BPRD belt buckle and a crucifix dangling form his belt, his collective appearance is dead-on movie accurate. While the pockets aren't actual working pockets, and the button holes are only dashes of thread, it looks perfect. The belt (which has no pants loops to go through) tends to hang a bit low, occasionally giving him the 'grandpa pants' look. You know, with the zipper placed firmly between the nipples. All is fixable with adjusting, though.
Of course, all of this clothing does a bit to hinder the wonderful articulation given to the body, so Hellboy is constricted and cannot always use his full range of motion. The joints aren't too tight in the shoulder area, so you have to bend things into the right angle in order to find pose support. You may also find it difficult to locate the actual joints beneath the clothing, but it's unlikely that bending things around until you find them will do any damage. The base body is pretty sturdy. And yes, the clothes are removable, so you have 3 of the Mezco-type variants all in one figure - trenchcoat, shirtless, and plain ol' black shirt HB.
Hellboy is a big guy, and because of that, Sideshow had to use a larger than normal base body. The breadth of Hellboy's chest is wider than the usual, but it seems that the legs have been elongated, and not thickened. It makes for some odd proportions below the waist. He stands taller than other figures in his scale, but the only thing that implies a larger mass is the trenchcoat that surrounds him. Remove that and he's pretty slim and lanky.
He has three sculpted details that are visible from beneath his clothes. First thing to mention are his hands. His Right Hand of Doom is an oddly shiny piece, but it's articulated to turn at the wrist. It doesn't give off a stony impression as much as it does something metallic and oily, because of its odd finish. His normal hand is very rubbery, but well sculpted, and it allows for easy placement of Hellboy's big ol' gun. The gun, by the way, has four removable bullets, a spinning chamber and a latch which opens it for loading. Very impressive.
Second detail is his face. From every angle but the front, his face looks Ron Perlman movie perfect. From the front, however, something is amiss. Maybe it's the expression on his face, as he looks far more concerned than confident and brave. Many, many of Sideshow's toys have sad, teary expressions on their faces, like they've just watched a very special episode of Full House. Red eyes, and just a general melancholy to the faces. I don't know why this is, but it's become something of a given when buying Sideshow toys. I can always expect them to be a bit sadder than me. Something about HB's face is more detailed than it was in the movie, where it seemed far smoother. Perhaps it's the fact that the painters at Sideshow have tried to shadow the face artificially, when a solid red might have done better. A bit of an annoyance is the black paint smear across the top of his red head, and the subsequent ponytail which is was smeared off of, which is left with spots of white. Someone was just careless while putting this together, and it mars the whole back of the head.
The third detail is his tail. His tail comes as a separate piece which must be plugged into his butt. This was the hardest part of the figure to work, and I ended up trimming down the plugs with a razor to fit them into the given holes. Of course, better to give us pegs that are too large than ones that are too small, and the latter isn't as easily remedied. There's a button on the back of the pants to reveal Hellboy's smooth red ass and pop the tail into place. This tail is what we call a 'bendy'. It's poseable and made of stiff, smooth rubber, and like most bendies, it has the tell-tale mold holes in it. They're not overwhelming, but they exist, and I still wonder what technique ToyBiz did with that hole-less bendy Gollum and why it isn't more widely used.
By the way, I have no doubt in my mind that this article will now show up in google searches for 'Hellboy ass fantasy'. I think that the odds are about 1:1 that someone will actuallt type that into a search engine. I honestly get placed in search results for 'schlong' and 'wolverine phallus' about every day. This is no joke.
The bendy tail will get in the way of the figure stand that comes with him, and is used to hold him upright. SO, just turn him a bit off to the side. The stand will comfortably grasp his midsection, like an affectionate lover.
What more to say about HB? He comes with a horseshoe. Was he worth the thirty-plus dollars that I laid down for him? I think so. There's obviously a ton of work placed into this figure, and it shows. Even the simple fabrication process seems labor intensive. The scale is perfect, as a small Hellboy, no matter how well made, is still a small Hellboy. He's gorgeous on display, and I'm pretty excited to have him around. Who needs girlfriends?
Score your Sideshow goodies at AFX, or Dr. Tongue or Cryptoys! Personally, I got my HB from Alter Ego Comics.